I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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