it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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