I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
