New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
