Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
