Apparently you make a good broom.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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