mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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