I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
