right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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