you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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