You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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