I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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