my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
