Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I had to cum in my sink.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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