i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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