I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
