My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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