i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
