don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
