why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
