Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
