So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
