don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
