im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
