You smell like a Billy Joel song
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I party with great urgency now.
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