life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
