Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
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