It's like God shit irony all over that family
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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