im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
