Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
