i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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