i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
