Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
