So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
