when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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