who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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