She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
