Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
