WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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