so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
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