i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
