I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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