you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
