I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
