Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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