she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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