Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
