Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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