if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
