U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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